So, an internet forum that I frequent recently had a post asking for recommendations for "the best whiskey bar in Manhattan."
Welp. I couldn't resist:
If you're looking for the best whiskey bar in Manhattan, look no further than The Horny Pteranodon. Located in the storage room of a 7-11 on 53rd and 3rd, this place has everything: Dinosaur RealDolls, frozen coproliths instead of ice cubes, Pachydermabrasion-- that's that thing of where a midget wearing an elephant skin runs real fast past your bare legs-- and so much more. To get in, just look for the doorman dressed like Dr. Alan Grant, and hand him a plastic miniature triceratops.