FLASH FLOOD (rated R)
Potentially starring Kevin Costner, Michelle Pfeiffer, Paul Giametti, William Shatner, with James Cromwell

After a small town preacher (James Cromwell) condemns the city of Kansas City for becoming a “new American Sodom” the rains ironically begin to fall for 40 days and nights. A family man (Kevin Costner) and his suicidal wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) try to rekindle their withering love affair while their basement begins to fill with water and her wrists consecutively begin to open. Rain Historian Greg Witherspoon (Paul Giametti) begins tracking the history of Kansas City rain storms and fears that this may be the one that God promised would never happen again. Whoring drunk Mayor Winston Carlisle (William Shatner) dares the rain to keep on pouring and provides comic relief.

Oscar Potential: Will not contend with Another Holocaust Movie. In this instance, Another Holocaust Movie being a summer comedy by Friedberg & Seltzer.

Early Winter (rated PG)
Potentially starring Miley Cyrus, Dylan and Cole Sprouse, and Raven-Symoné

Shortly after the 4th of July, a nation wide blizzard covers the United States in snow at an unprecendented level since the last ice age. Naturally, this means school is called off for a snow day starting shortly after Labor Day. With this much snow on the ground, it’s not killing anyone to wear white! School Girl Jessie Peterson (Miley Cyrus) and her two identical boyfriends (Dylan and Cole Sprouse) come of age in a family friendly musical film about what might happen if the entire United States was covered in snow for a year. There are snowball fights, forts, and sled rides aplenty. An embittered young woman (Raven-Symoné) comes to grips with her past while serving as the musical narrator.

Oscar Potential: Nil
Sequel Potential: HIGHLY FUCKING LIKELY
Merchandising Potential: CHA-CHING

SMOG (rated PG-13)
Potentially starring Nicholas Cage, Tommy Lee Jones, Jodie Foster, Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman, Julianne Moore, and RZA

2029 Los Angeles is nothing like the Los Angeles we all know and love today. The sky is never blue and the air is scarcely breathable. In the mornings, the Morgue Unit of the LAPD removes the corpses of suffocated hookers from Hollywood Boulevard by the dump truck load. Enter Tommy Stockwell (Nicholas Cage) an Air Filtration Specialist going head to head with Captain of Industry and Major League Polluter Benjamin Briggs-Tarry (Tommy Lee Jones). Stockwell fears the air will kill everyone within 3 weeks, while Briggs-Tarry is only motivated by the almighty dollar. Three Eco-Terrorists (Jodie Foster, Uma Thurman, and RZA) try to sneak their way into Briggs-Tarry’s compound to ignite a “clean air bomb”, while grizzled and embittered detectives Harrison (Bruce Willis) and Murphy (Julianne Moore) cruise around town just trying to make sure everyone is breathing.

Oscar Potential: Maybe, and only maybe, if we replace Nicholas Cage with Will Smith.
Sequel Potential: *shrug*
Merchandising Potential: Action Figures, oh yeah!