mendacity

then, to top it off, a two inch long spider bungeed down from the ceiling to the toilet tank and totally refused to die the first two times i tried to squash it. blah.

something i ate today is not sitting well with me. it’s possible i’m being punished for being derisive of herman’s claim of lactose intolerance, which we all know is a ploy by the healthcare industry to make more money through expensive tests and medications and of course lactaid. of course, instead of karmic […]

my feet totally need to be pumiced. i’m going to take a shower and then look for tickets to florida, because i should really go see my grandma and i really need a pedicure, and there’s no point to wasting a good pedicure on the michigan winter.

five hours until kangaroo jack! christopher walken […]

hum hum. an interesting revelatory night, most of all being that herman actually approaches being half as neurotic and ocd about things as i am. it’s kind of comforting to know there’s more than just me (and you, dearest darby!) out there holding down the fort for all the happygolucky bastards among us.

maybe […]

shareef will never be done. i am a failure.

oppsie1: i’ll give you $50 to write this story for me

Antimute: you had an article in the Jewish news recently

oppsie1: yes i did

Antimute: I’m not writing your damn stories woman

oppsie1: it was on the cover

oppsie1: cmonnnnn

oppsie1: $50!

Antimute: you know Julie? she offered to bear a […]

what did i do today? i don’t even remember. that’ll teach me. sat all day staring at the screen trying to squeeze off a shareef-sized turd of text. don’t remember anything else.

i was probably depressed. tragic.

signs you really need a new winter jacket: you clean out the pockets and discover such wonders as:

– a ticket to stomp from december 7, 1996, a day that will live in infamy because of the pack of wild dogs that stormed across the service drive as we tried to get on the freeway on […]

note to self: life would be a lot better if you would stop forgetting to take the tissues out of your pockets before doing laundry.

i called jewel, because it’s ridiculous that we haven’t seen each other and she sent me a holiday card. there was a moment of weirdness when i left the message, […]

that totally sucked. i cleaned the kitchen for like three hours, including an hour on a solitary pan. unbelievable. at least i don’t need to lift when i’m at the gym today, since i just completely destroyed my arm. then, just as i’m finishing up, the phone rings. it’s hawks […]

the kitchen is such a disaster of post-bacchanalia that i woke up in a fit of panic at 755a that my dad had come home and come downstairs to kill me. so i’m up. i’m going to clean. i anticipate that taking like an hour and a half. then i’ll clean […]