Times New Keeferton Keef shows no signs of lethality or psychosis

25Jul/010

I’m Henry the Eighth I Am

I slept through class today. I really shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to. I got enough sleep. Dammit. I have that final on Friday, a paper due friday, the revision of my chapter due Friday... I get the feeling I'm not going to be sleeping much until Saturday. At least I don't have to do my radio show Friday night.

BUSH MEETS POPE:

I cleaned my place today. Well, it's mostly clean. It's amazing, the sheer volume of shit I have. And I don't even consider myself materialistic. I just have incredible amounts of junk cluttering up space. Most of it's books. And CD cases. And electronic equipment. And clothes. And records. I'm going to pack a lot of the books up and put 'em in the storage space. The CD cases, too. Everything I can.

Simplify, simplify, simplify. Goddammit.

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24Jul/010

SPECIAL SPIDER UPDATE!

It died.

Big Scary Spider.

Wesley says: did it have air?
Keef says: I put a glass over it
Keef says: it was on a piece of paper
Wesley says: im sure it suffocated then.......you evil bastard!
Keef says: I know. I am a bastard.
Wesley says: i hope her babies come and eat your wang off.
Keef says: I hope they don't.
Wesley says: 🙂

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24Jul/010

Reveals That Evil Plot, Man!

The Bad Mother Fucker Reveals his Evil Plot to Fuck Up Detective Soulman.

Let's see. Philosophy class. Only another few days of this. I have to have a paper for Friday, and I have to take a final on friday. Also, I need a revised draft of my chapter. Plus I need to work 35 hours again this week. Can I Do It???

Yeah, sure, I guess. I won't be happy about it, though. Maybe I'll even ask for Wednesday off. Yes. That sounds nice. I think I shall.

So today was the day my thing got workshopped. Everyone liked it. Not to yank my own chain or anything. The only thing that wasn't well liked, they said, was that it lacked a "hook." Yes. Lacked a "hook." Professor said, "Why should I keep reading?" A "hook." Yes.

Thing is, I thought I had a goddamn hook. I thought there was a thing called "subtlety" and you didn't need to "bang" modern "audiences" on the "head" with "things." I guess I was wrong. GODDAMN WRONG. You unappreciative crass crude bastards! Can't you understand the subtle hook? Oh boo hoo. That's me crying, not you.

So I finally scanned in Mike's and My cartoons about our Philosophy class. Here you go.

Mike's Cartoon. Keef's Cartoon.

I think they're pretty funny. They'd probably be funnier if you'd taken the class.

Hmmmmm. Let's see. Oh, I was cleaning out my closet today and I found this big motherfucking spider. Man, it's huge. I caught it under a glass and it's sitting on a piece of paper on the kitchen table. It's really grossly gargantuan. Now I'm afraid that all its babies will come crawling out of the woodwork while I sleep and slowly eat me alive after injecting me with nervous-system-numbing venom, so I won't be able to move but will feel EVERYTHING as their tiny jaws remove parts of my face and eyes, chunk by tiny chunk.

So if I don't update in the next couple days, you'll know what happened to me.

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23Jul/010

I Feel Much Better Now, Thanks

I had another really long day today.

I woke up at noon and scrambled to make it to my first job. I set my clock fifteen minutes fast so when I wake up screaming "SHIT!" I'll actually have a little more time. I woke up this morning and the clock said 12:04, and I was like "SHIT!" and I scrambled around and made it to work on time at noon. Then I worked till five-twenty, grabbed lunch, and went to my other job, where I worked till nine. Then I came back home, got here about nine-thirty, and found out that I would need to cover Barb's radio show at 10:00 till one. Got to the station and found out that someone else was covering it, so I went out with Irving and Monika.

We played pool! I drank beer! Fun was had. I was really hit and miss. I pulled off a couple of really incredible shots, and won quite a few games, but there were also times when I sucked ginormous wang and lost several games. And there was BEER!

Now here's a "teaser" image from my upcoming Special on Iowa City's own Public Access Channel.

I'm getting unnerved by all the people who have high expectations of me. I keep running into people who know who I am and what I do and like it. Today I ran into three different people who were like "Hey, Keef!" or "Hey, you're Keef!" or "HEY MAN! I'm having a baby!"

And they all know something I've had a hand in. "Didn't you just put out a wacky comic?" or "I really like your stuff. You're gonna make it, and then I'll be like 'I know that famous guy!'" or "Do you know where I can buy fish food?"

And of course, I have to play it up, so I'm like "Yeah, well, this book I'm writing is coming along nicely..." or "Yeah, you should check out the site, I included The Drinker's Guide to Iowa City," or "You know where the porn shops are? If you're walking towards the one with the big neon sign, there'll be a pet store on your left."

Well, anyway. I had a good night. I'm feeling pretty good.

Tomorrow's the day that my chapter gets workshopped. I hope it goes pretty well. YAY! I'm going to go pass out now. With a gut full of Bud Light. YIPPEE!

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22Jul/01Off

Cthulhu Ftagn!

I don't really have very much to say today. I did my radio show last night with Irving till four, woke up at eight, did errands, and went to work at the comic shop at ten until seven. Then I came home, met up with Irving, and napped while Irving dicked around on my computer until now. Now we're gonna go to the bar, shoot some pool, maybe do a little drinky-drinky.

Today I was working with Colleen at the shop, and we kept noticing that across the street, there was an endless stream of girls in hot-pink spandex and/or shirts with no backs. You know the shirts I'm talking about, where it's a napkin with some strings you tie in back.

Anyway. I said, "Hey, check it out! Hot-pink spandex is "in" this season! Parade of Hoochie!"

Colleen said, "I guess. I don't know if that's Hoochie. They're all so... yuck."

I said, "No, that's the point of being a Hoochie! Hoochie is synonymous with... skank."

She said, "Oh, yeah."

I find my misanthropy increases daily. Theodore Sturgeon used to say "Ninety percent of everything is crap." It very definitely applies to people. I saw this statistic last week that Seven out of Ten Americans think that "The government should keep the media in check." Jesus fucking Christ. George W. Bush says, "There ought to be a limit on freedom," and his approval ratings, despite his raping of everything in sight, go through the roof. YAY!

It rained today, really hard, and it was beautiful, raindrops pounding the red-brick street, cooling everything down. Everyone ran for cover. It slowly stopped raining, and people started coming out. "Look at 'em," I said. "Like maggots, they come boiling out after the rains." Colleen gave me a funny look. "Not that I'm bitter."

"Or judgmental," she said.

Niney percent of people are stupid and serve no purpose. Negative Population Growth should be our goal, but instead stupid people breed like flies on poo-poo.

ONE DAY A REAL RAIN'S GONNA COME, AND WASH ALL THE TRASH OFF THE STREETS. NGAH NGAH NGAH NGAH NGAH!

Okay. I'm gonna go shoot some pool. Hooray!