I’ve decided that if I ever happen to become a Mob enforcer- you know, a hitman, or an interrogator or something- I want my nickname to be “The Boob.”
I can just imagine it now. All the other mob enforcers would shiver at the mere mention of “The Boob.”
Gangster: Hey, man, who’s that guy?
Other Gangster: Oh, man, don’t fuck with him. He’ll tear off your kneecaps and play Frisbee with them.
Gangster: Naw, man, he don’t look so tough.
Other Gangster: You maroon! You know who that guy is? He’ll rip off your testicles and play paddle-ball with them. Both of them. At the same time!
Gangster: That guy? Who is it, man? Who is that crazy man-monster, that invulnerable killing machine?
Other Gangster: Keef “The Boob” Keeferson.
Gangster: Holy Fuck!
Yeah. That would be so cool. Once I joined the mob, I’d be “Mister Intimidation.” No, wait, I guess I’d be “The Boob.” I’d rather be “The Boob” Than “Mister ‘The Wussy’ Intimidation” any day. Okay, this is getting kind of ridiculous.
I worked tonight, and this kid Chris is supposed to be showing up. But he hasn’t shown up yet. I’m getting kind of tired. I mean, I’m going to do a bunch of laundry yet tonight, but I’m a little annoyed he hasn’t shown up yet. He’s one of Mike’s friends who’s here for orientation and so he’s gonna sleep on our couch or in Mike’s bed or something.
Anyway. The laundry room beckons. With static clingy fingers.
KeefKeefKeefKeef: So are you frightened of Keef “The Boob” Keeferson?
KeefKeefKeefKeef: psht! Liar.
LilKarrey: I might want to fondle you, though.
KeefKeefKeefKeef: That’s almost as good.
And, on an almost completely unrelated note:
Nathan: I’m doing laundry too
Nathan: we’re a team
KeefKeefKeefKeef: Naked twinsies!
Nathan: I’m wearing stuff though
Nathan: my mom and sister are awake still
KeefKeefKeefKeef: you wuss.
Nathan: I don’t wanna mortify them
Nathan: “i didn’t know they got so big” they’d say
Nathan: “your father’s pretty small” my mom would add
KeefKeefKeefKeef: You’re scaring me.
Nathan: I’m scaring me too